"There is a time for every purpose under heaven." Pope Francis recently called for a deeper awareness of a Theology of Women. This has sparked a very hot dialogue with some about whether or not there should continue to be distinctions made between God and man and God and women or whether the "theology" should be more a "Theology of Humanity". For ten years I worked with the homeless and poor and came to realize that I needed to be creative to get to the place of benefit for those that I served. It wasn't about lying or being deceitful but about using all resources available to me even if I did not like what they were called or how they were distributed. If I were to get caught up in the formality of these humanly created social systems, it became more about myself to fight them than to turn the other cheek and sometimes "slyly" get what was needed for the men, women, and children that I served.
At this time within God's earthly creation I want to focus on Him and desire to do His will and through His goodness be a woman for women; a woman who has been given gifts of Knowledge, Wisdom, Prophecy, Discernment of Spirits, and Writing by the Holy Spirit through my baptism and confirmation and sent forth into the vocations of theology, spiritual discernment, writing, teaching, wife, and mother. Through prayer and reflection it has come to me to provide a place for women to clarify their faith journeys so that all who are guided to read their words will be given the knowledge and wisdom that will come through their revelation; from spirit to spirit and from self-knowledge in the presence of the Spirit of God we can assume that this is holy ground for human words to try and express a faith lived.
This invitation goes out to all women of faith from youth to elderly to tell their story and open up dialogue with one another. It is also an invitation to men who want to seek out the "fullness" of God's human creation story; men who respect the women in their lives and who want to be a part of this engaging dialogue. So, to begin this I will tell my own story. I ask that those who contribute try to keep their reflections to one page. It will be through the continued dialogue that the fullness of their story will emerge. Thank You.
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I was born in Northwestern Minnesota in the small town of Red Lake Falls, the youngest of 4. I was baptized Catholic and within a short time my father abandoned our family never to return. My mother raised us children through her sacrifice and subsequent nursing education and career. She made sure that we had the opportunity to attend Catholic School in which payment was put aside through my washing of chalk boards in classrooms after school and my brother's sweeping of hallways. I graduated from Mt. St. Benedict Academy in Crookston, MN and proceeded into marriage at 18 years old.
As a young child I always knew that there was something different about me. I had had my first mystical experience at the age of 2 at which time I felt myself being drawn into the warmth of a light left on in the corner of the room while I was left to nap. To this day I can still sense the warmth of what I now know to be the Holy Spirit and can witness to His peaceful presence that I found there. I remember not wanting to leave but ultimately was drawn away into the stillness of the room. From that time on I knew that there was more to life than what we see on the surface. I grew up always wanting to know the "why's" of everything to the great dismay of my siblings. My questions were considered going "deeper" into things when actually, looking back, I think I just wanted to know the connections between all things and God. I could walk along a street and find my eyes boring into the trunk of a tree in front of me. I wasn't looking for anything particular, nor did I have the eyesight portrayed these days by some of the created super heroes. I was just "drawn". I had friends along the way who said to me "Your always up above the trees" or "You are drowning, here is a life preserver" but my reality was that people were drawn to me to relate some of the sufferings of their lives and I had a wee, small voice telling me in my mind that I needed to protect these revelations for this was holy ground. All of this placed me somewhere apart and yet connected to a larger picture.
As a young teenager I knew that I was to hold dear what was shared with me by others and to "never" use it to hurt someone. What I did not know how to do, though, was to deal with the increased "sensing" of people's moods that was beginning to build up in me. I had a Catholic therapist once tell me that I was sensing things about other people that they had not even rationalized yet. What it did was create in me an intenseness that would go on for 40 years until I "discerned" my own journey and discovered what was from God and what has been sinful within me.
I was married in the church, divorced by the state, and annulled in the church by the time I was 37 years old. My joys were joyful and my sufferings painful. I experienced my mother's death from cancer, my father's death from a stroke, the stillbirth of my daughter, and most recently the death of both of my sisters, one from cancer and the other a deadly difficulty from a lodged gallstone in her pancreas, as well as the death of my son in law from a rare lung disease. All of this suffering and death has occurred as my 3 oldest children have grown and married, I have remarried in the church, have had two more children, and now have six grandchildren. I pursued and received my Bachelors of Arts degree in Sociology, my Masters of Pastoral Ministry, and my Masters of Theology. Professionally, I have worked with Hispanic mothers, children in group home placement, disabled women, the homeless, the poor, and now as teacher, director, and writer. Within all of this "living" was my Catholic foundation, my spiritual awareness of the active relationship of the Holy Spirit with me and the world, and the growing self-knowledge of myself as sinner all leading me through Him to the "breath of wills" one day as I prostrated myself on the kitchen floor and gave my will and my life over to that of God's will. It was then that I knew that I had moved more deeply into the authentic person that God had created me to be.
I did not know what my future held for my professional work had reached a dead end at the start of the Great Recession and God was gently shutting the door of everything I had worked hard to attain. My identity as lay minister, chaplain, spiritual guide, teacher, and writer was being revealed to me but not in the form of abundant paying positions. I was very scared that my children at home would enter into the poverty that I had experienced as a child but I could hear the wee, small voice telling me to be steadfast in this time of uncertainty. I had little work to help sustain our home and I was learning about the meaning of "benefactors" that came in the form of family and neighbors. I had to overcome my pride and accept assistance from others. There were many tears due to my inability to be self-sufficient but God created in me an understanding of allowing others to serve me for Him.
Since that time I have created a spiritual discernment program that I will speak of more later and for three years have provided it for free on my parish campus. I have worked a year as a chaplain for the elderly and infirmed and through them have been gifted with a greater awareness of life transitions, senior sorrows, and how the only thing that seems to flow gently and peacefully is our identity in Christ. So much ultimately gets left behind.
The other mystical experiences that I have been gifted with have come to help strengthen me in knowledge and wisdom and ultimately as gift of witness to remind others of the promises of our loving God who hears our prayers and who has known us from the moment of our very existence. He knows what our gifts are and what possibilities we have had for our lives. He knows when we choose to move closer to Him and when we choose to move further away. For whatever the Spirit's reasons He has called me to begin this site and provide this opportunity for others to share their lives in faith and in the church. As I tell my discernment students, only share what you are comfortable sharing and I will do my best to maintain a holy atmosphere of reverance and respect. Blessings on your day...
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