Keep Me Focused, O Lord!

Yesterday as I was walking with my two daughters from the car to the church for Mass I saw a small figure sitting on the pavement of the driveway with a sign in front of her saying "Homeless Vet. Please help."  I saw eyes looking out from the blanket that was wrapped around this person meant for warmth and/or hiding.  I groaned a little inside at what appeared to be a well maneuvered attempt to get money from Christians at the very doorway of their faith that would most certainly want for them to give alms to the poor and needy.  It was a bold, and from what I could see by the way others were handing out money, and well calculated move.

You see...I worked with the homeless and poor for ten years.  Many of them were veterans.  In the hope of helping them alter the cycle of homelessness I worked directly with Veteran Service Officers and Homeless Veteran staff.  Most of these professionals who were veterans themselves talked very openly against this type of attempt at getting quick aid because it was viewed as an undignified act for a person formerly in the military and an undignified act that presented the view that service providers were not helping or doing what was needed to help these individuals.  In reality it usually was those individuals who did not want to change their lifestyle or who were severely mentally ill and were not thinking about "dignity" that were panhandling in this way.  Whatever this situation was, though, it brought me back to the recognition of possible manipulations that in this case appeared to be very dramatic and successful.

A sin occurred during this Sunday walk from car to church.  I didn't stop walking at least not until I was almost to the door.  I saw this cold figure and kept walking on holding hands with my daughters.  My mind started to race with memories and mental checklists.  I hadn't worked with someone impoverished in this way for a long long time.  For a few seconds I did not know what to do.  Then, God's grace overcame my sin and jolted me into turning around and going back.  I said "hello" and was greeted with a woman's toothless grin.  Another parishioner who had been standing and staring at the figure handed her a $5 bill.  I asked her why she wasn't at any of the shelters where she could be warm and she said they "were all full".  I told her I had worked at the shelter and thought that it would be nice if she would let me take her there for a warm Sunday breakfast.  She declined.  I asked her what branch of the service she had been in and she said the "Navy".  I told her that staff from the VA frequented the shelters and they would help her.  She did not seemed surprised and still declined.  I invited her to come into church and sit with us in Mass and she told me she was from Arizona and as an Indian could not enter the church.  Like so many others before her I knew when the questions needed to cease so I told her that if she changed her mind, we would drive her to the shelter after Mass.  She thanked me and I returned to my family and went into the church.

My heart was troubled.  I didn't "feel" that I had handled things well and I was disappointed in myself that I almost walked on by.  I asked God to open my heart and let me know if I was to stay worshiping Him or return to talk with this homeless woman.  I didn't really get a sense of His direction but I had my daughter go and check to see if she was still there because I was going to go and re-engage her.  She was gone, nowhere in sight.  I was left with the memory that I hadn't even asked her her name.  I didn't even tell her mine.  Outside of Christ's house and I didn't even engage her as my sister in Christ.  It was a very poor response on my part.  I have become lax in my "seeing" and "hearing" and am in need of God's grace to stay focused on those around me who need me to be His comfort.  It is a sin; a sin as cold and demeaning as any other sin.  She wasn't at fault for my sin.  It was me...quick, distracted, fragmented, disconnected, measuring need.  God, please forgive me! and may this woman with her "yes ma'ams" forgive me for my inward groan at coming across her.  She may not even have needed the money.  She may be getting a pension.  She may have a home.  She may have a ride waiting to pick her up at 10 a.m. when Mass begins.  The sin is mine because I did not even dignify her life by asking her her name!

Spiritual Healing For Women Within the Church

On Sunday, while at Mass, I found myself staring at the altar and wondering what it would be like if all women and girls attending were invited up the steps to its holy place as an attempt at healing the affects of the disconnect that has been purported over generations.  I could feel within me the beginning sensations of a possible happiness; happiness to belong to a Church that truly believes in healing experiences, forgiveness, and the destruction of compartments.  I do not belong to such a Church for women and girls continue to experience the suffering of separation and placement within the current order. This statement is not about "women priests"; this statement is about the actualized dignity of each female person within the Church created by God and having the life giving breath of the Holy Spirit within her.  She is called to know this person and her beautiful gifts to be given to the Church and the world but is left with stunted choices that do not speak to the spirit within.

I know from experience that there are many convents where the sisters tend their altars and preach from their ambos to one another.  I know from experience that there are many priests who have the desire to help heal this fraction within the Church but because they do not enter into dialogue with the women who could assist them, they do not know what to do.  I know from my continued research that there are women who are writing daily about this necessary healing between the co-stewards of God's creation.  I just can't seem to place my finger on the fear that is keeping so many eyes and ears of faith closed to the well-documented movement of the Spirit of God.

This morning in my reading I came across some information and writings by a woman theologian, Phoebe Palmer, who wrote in the the 19th century about women and finding their identity at the altar "She finds her life and her power to speak in surrendering to the Word of God."  Now, how beautiful is that; how beautiful would it be to draw all of our senior women, who knew only distance from the altar unless they cleaned it, and draw them in to its holy placement while telling them "You, O Sister, belong here; you are a daughter of Christ whose identity as human woman comes from this place.  Now, please tell me, what does your spirit tell you from within?" 

 Why, O Church, do you continue to teach one thing and practice another?  As a mother I know this would cause chaos in my home.  My children would be confused and ultimately angry or depressed that they would not be able to trust my reactions and my directions.  They would see me as hypocritical and lose respect for me as their mother.  Are their correlations here?  This isn't rocket science; this is looking inward at Church and self and finding the truth of God within.  We can do this and do this well so that "all will be well and all will be well".

Lord, if it be Your will, help us to get here soon so that Your Church may enter more fully into its fruitfulness and the song of a woman's heart will be one of joy and dancing. With lyre and harp she will go, her and her little ones, down from the altar and into the aisles, head held high and voice sweet with worship.  She will be strengthened by Your witnessing to her identity as child of Yours.  Her spirit will grow in the grace of Your Spirit and she will be strengthened in all ways to do Your will.  Help her, O God; Help me, O my God, to do what I can to make this happen.  AMEN.

Which Spiritual Gift Should Be Exalted?

A few days ago I went to my daughter's school for parent/teacher conferences.  As I was waiting for another parent to be finished I roamed the halls looking at art projects, a prayer corner, scientific symbols, etc.  As I turned a corner I noticed a large colored poster listing the pictures and names of all of the priests of the diocese and the pictures of seminarians and the places where they are studying.  I couldn't help but feel a little disconnected from them as my brothers in Christ.  I began thinking of my own journey in my theological education and wondering how helpful it would have been for me to be noticed by my parish and the diocese as one following her calling by the Holy Spirit to study and write theology.  I also thought about the four spiritual discernment students who have so couragiously faced the differences between their False Self and their Authentic Self and what sacrifices this has cost them.  They, too, would certainly have benefitted from the prayerful support of the parish and the life affirming comments that their brothers and sisters in Christ could have greeted them with.  They are lay leaders of the Church going forward into the uncertainty of faith and they do not even know how the Holy Spirit is using them to bring Him to the church and to the world.

So many of us are so used to being the "other" within our parish community that we do not even make note of it anymore.  The body of Christ in which no spiritual gift is to be above another has created a hierarchical picture of what is important and has been so successful that the laity doesn't even question themselves about the gifts of the Spirit once it has been determined they are not being called to ordination or the religious life.  This is an institutional manipulation of faithful that continues to create an atmosphere in which women and men are spiritually imprisoned and deprived of the wisdom of God. 

In the 1990's Pope John Paul II apologized to women within the Church for the Church's role in denying them equality of dignity.  What a wonderful thing to seek forgiveness but is it truly forgiveness that is sought when change is not expected and demanded.  It reminds me of a political program that I watched one day where a homosexual speaker was talking about the need for laws changing because when left to "reason", homosexuals and others who have lived as different were not truly respected in their difference. They were still the "other". 

The Church with all of its knowledge and all of its grace certainly should be able to move forward in the Spirit of Christ and open wide its doors to the different gifts that are being provided for the sake of Christ's mission.  This should not be rocket science.  So what is the problem here?  Why are there posters with only pictures of men and the special callings that they have?  Where are the women?  Where are the laity?  Why not a wall of faithful for the children to see as role models of faith?  What is the fear here that still keeps us only affirming and celebrating a few?  Do these deserve to be on this poster?  Absolutely, yes.  Do they deserve to be prayed for and assisted in faith and through the means of benefactors?  Absolutely, yes.  But so does every other person who going forth with "yes" on their lips.  They need to be able to clarify their gifts and their vocations within the body of Christ or the body hurts as Scripture tells us; the Church hurts; the children hurt, and most of all of those who feel displaced and limited are hurt. 

We, as the Church, need to change this.  We need to be open to the Holy Spirit to speak up when opportunity comes.  We need to write about our disagreement with this way of presenting our parish.  We need to "see" and "hear" those who are struggling because of it.  We cannot pass this on to someone else for if not us, then who? Amen.

It Is Just and Necessary

In her writing, “A Matter of Justice and Necessity, Women’s Participation in the Catholic Church”, Mary Coloe PVRM presents a respectful and educational introduction to the problem within the Catholic Church of women being prevented from “truly being themselves”.  She begins by citing a letter written by Pope John Paul II where he apologizes to all women for the part played by “members of the Church” in this “spiritual impoverishment” and that this “regret be transformed on the part of the whole Church, into a renewed commitment of fidelity to the Gospel vision.”  What a beautiful and wise foundation to be set for renewal within the Church.  Ms. Coloe goes on to write that despite Pope John Paul II’s prophetic words, there has been little transformation that has taken place within the Church to bring about “real equality” as “a matter of justice and necessity.” 

I appreciated her article enough to have my 14-year-old daughter read it so that she would be introduced to the historical writings of some affirmed within the Church such as Tertullian, St. Ambrose, St. John Chrysostom, St. Augustine, and Martin Luther who wrote words so disrespectful to the spirit of women, relegating all of our sex to be used by males for higher ideals. I told her that I felt it important that she begin to be aware of the “other side of the story”, the “female experience”, that has not had opportunity within the Church and within the world to be heard.  My hope and prayer is that she will see within her generation an expectation, a demand for these stories of faith lived giving us God’s revelation of Himself through the lens of His created female.  I have to say that she was somewhat distressed to discover that what she has been given so far within her faith formation is so lacking in God’s justice; that the words told to her about love and charity and God’s goodness have been so misconstrued within the body of her faith community that it is almost unnoticeable until one comes face to face with its injustice.

As I was reading Ms. Coloe’s article I wrote at the bottom of one of the pages a question that summed up my own distress, “Would the institutional Church truly acknowledge injustices within Herself and spontaneously spring forth within Her spirit to express Christ’s compassionate love and change what it is that needs changing?”  My daughter answered my question for me when she stated “Mom, you know the answer is “no” otherwise this article would not have been written”.  We then talked about how hard it is to know that your Church is sinful in this way. 

This sin that keeps girls, young women, mature women, and elderly women from engaging their “true, authentic selves” in which the Spirit of Christ touches their spirit with His gifts and vocations and stunts them from being fully fruitful within the Church and the world is a sin against the Spirit of God, Himself.  It isn’t just a question of right, or justice, or equality, it is a sin of creating an impenetrable wall against the movement of the Holy Spirit.  When we have recognition by our Holy Father and we have his apology on behalf of the Church, Herself, then what do we call it when it continues to exist?  What do we call this lack of noticeable transformation?  We have to ask the question “Why are women still knocking at the door of the Church and not allowed or desired to come in and express their own spirit within?”  It cannot be called anything less than sin and its continued existence within should cause us to go back and alter all of our ecumenical writings that the Church has done in regards to its pursuit of truth within difference.  For truth is beckoning at the door to be desired, not feared.  The Holy Spirit that moves one to live in a way that is counter cultural, in a way that is leaven for the world, in a way that is a light upon a hilltop will also show the Church, through the fullness of its members how to move forward in penance for past and present wrongs.

If us women do not feel the need to tell our stories of faith for a fuller life at this time, then we need to look deep inside of ourselves and re-discover our desire for true love and do it for the Holy Spirit of God and for our children's sakes. AMEN.