Spiritual Discernment

The Holy Spirit is moving souls to go "inward" to discover His presence there, grow more deeply in love with Him, and then spontaneously be thrust outward into the church and the world doing Christ's ministry of compassionate love.

As I told you yesterday, God was moving my heart through my series of professional rejections to living more fully in Him.  As I began to ask myself more and more questions about my life and my choices and what I saw as my identity, I began to realize that all of the spiritual gifts He had given me had been placed in the compartment of "difficult Jen".  I was "too" deep, too intense, too demanding, too desperate....and the day had to come when, in my writing to God (which I did often), He showed me that all of my traits that I had pushed away as "too" were actually His gifts playing themselves out in a very childlike manner.  My writing which began in a "Please help me understand format" quickly turned into a revelation of my sinfulness in allowing my spiritual gifts to be minimized, chastised, and hidden, and I was told "never go here again".  I was very close to denying the Holy Spirit through my bitterness.  Of course, I did not know that I was moving towards denying His Person and power but when faced with it, all of my senses shivered at the thought of the one sin that Christ spoke of being unforgivable. 

I began to pray almost ceaselessly, asking God in a type of mantra to show me His way.  I loved going to a local college library and looking for books on many church matters and personal spirituality and soon I discovered that I was bringing home books on "discernment".  I had never paid attention to that word before and it certainly had no place in my day-to-day living. I could tell that my mind was opening up or shedding its baggage for me to be "curious" about God's relationship with me and His willingness to actually draw me to things.  As I read about spiritual discernment, usually through the help of Protestant authors, I became enthralled at its ability to assist in directing the journeying seeker of faith.  I didn't know why but I was led to begin taking notes down in numerous notebooks and my vessel of knowledge was being filled.  I knew in my heart that the Holy Spirit was my teacher for there was no one else who was feeding me information or direction.  My life's desire was becoming more intentionally to do His will and go wherever He was leading me.  Church leadership, writing, theology, teaching....none of these things were even in my mind but I was ravenous for more.  It wasn't until I had picked up a book on St. Ignatius' Spiritual Exercises that I sat back in my kitchen chair and laughed.  I had never heard of these exercises before and yet here in my kitchen the Spirit himself was guiding me in the creation of a Twenty First century program for the laity that was very familiar with what St. Ignatius had been called to create.  I asked out loud "What are You doing with me? This is so cool." Tears flowed, as they always have when I feel the presence of God very strongly, and I remember feeling very humbled.  I knew the truth that was occurring and all I had to do was to continue to be faithful and keep pushing the fears that satan would taunt me with away. 

Spiritual Discernment is a "traditional" way for a human person to grow in self-knowledge and in doing so discover the depth of God's presence within themselves.  One is "called" by the Holy Spirit to discernment even if one thinks they are choosing this direction for themselves.  We need the grace of God to have the strength to look truthfully at our life and our choices.  St. Catherine was told in the midst of her Dialogue that there is no way that a finite human can make restitution for sins against infinite God.  There can only be desire and God's loving forgiveness.  God tells Catherine over and over how necessary it is that in our desire to know His will for our lives that we enter into the "holy virtue" of discernment so that we can gain this divine knowledge.  I have been witness to the revelation of its ability to transform the lives of students and bring to their awareness God's desired direction and I am witnessing to its beautiful gift of grace here.

The first assignment for a student within Spiritual Discernment is to write their autobiography and to share it with the rest of their cohort at the first group meeting.  It is amazing what surfaces during this simple act.  That is why I have put this invite out to others..so that they may begin to feel its healing affects and know that community of faith is just on the other side of the cursor waiting to be in relationship just as God within is waiting to be desired.  Blessings on your day....