Holy Week is once again upon us as those of Christian faith. Yesterday we celebrated the liturgy of Palm Sunday where we are reminded that all of us human beings are sinful. The Church in Her worship wants to assist us in asking ourselves "Where would we have been as Christ entered into Jerusalem? Would He have been the 'flavor of the month' with His exciting miracles and subtle hints at messianic kingship over Rome? Would we have been in the group of His disciples in awe of how the people seemed to flock around Him and love Him? Would this be our sign that all was going well with the mission?" Thus, we carry palm branches into the church while singing "Hosanna". We enter into our pews and then listen to the reading of Christ's passion and crucifixion while including us with the role of reciting the words of those who turned on Jesus and demanded His death. I have always struggled with saying those words. I have hoped and prayed that I would not have been one of them. The reality is, though, that even if I weren't, I still sin against Him through the choices I make in the day-to-day living of my life today.
So, you might ask, what does Holy Week have to do with mothers other than Jesus' mother was present throughout all of His suffering; somewhere on the periphery she watched and prayed and cried tears for her son who was being so unjustly convicted, tortured, and murdered before the cheers of so many. The movie, The Passion of the Christ, has a wonderful scene that I will watch from time to time where Jesus falls carrying His cross within Mary's sight and she is remembering Him falling as a child and her running to help Him. She comes through her memory of this and runs to Him once again whispering love as He holds her face in His hand and she goes to put her hand under His arm to help Him up. Most of the time I cry watching this for the tenderness between child and mother is captured as well as Mary's vocation as first disciple is authentically played out.
I ran into an old friend the other day at the store. Hugs were shared as well as a quick conversation on family information. I knew she had been very close to her mother and asked how she was. Her demeanor and conversation were that of "exasperation". Things had changed between them and mom was seen as having become relentlessly demanding of others and "troubled". I told my friend that I had recently "had words" with my older daughters and that there are libraries filled with material written on what occurs between us as women...one growing older while the other transforms into a complete personhood. I could have found myself being comforted that this type of relationship struggle happens a lot but I was not. Instead it has been on my mind almost continuously and I have asked God to please bring His wisdom to my heart and my mind so that my future actions will be motivated by His love.
One thing I am fairly certain about within this Mother/Daughter battle is that we have given up looking for each others "Godliness". We are all made in the image of God so He is there within the makeup somewhere. We have also stopped affirming and celebrating being in relationship with each other. The stress of differences crowd out the memories of love shared, sacrifices made, and support given. Instead it seems that sparring over whether or not one has the right to make good or bad choices or whether we have been fully present in ways that were desired but came up short fill the airwaves. Gentle hugs, warm "I love you's", and genuine desire to know what is occurring within one's life are smothered out by fear of possible conflict, "distance", vicious voicing of character "flaws", and the desire to have less troubling people within the "inner circle" of intimate relationships. Before you know it there is little to share in conversation and proximity to one another.
Christ suffered and died for this? I think it a good question to ask. Those of us whose mothers have died can spread the guilt and shame by stating the fact that "You should be loving your mother because you do not know what it is like when she dies" but that only goes so far. Many feel that life just may be a little easier without old mom around to point out possible difficulties or shortcomings. But when we place the situation within the framework of Christ's suffering and death with the knowledge that He states to us that He came so that we may live and live abundantly, then all of us whose relationship between mother and daughter is not abundant must ask ourselves why not. The answer cannot be, in truth, that the other person just isn't making it abundant for us. For we are all capable of making choices that feed abundance; choices of mercy, compassion, assistance, etc.
I have let my daughters down. I certainly am not and have not been a perfect mother. I am trying to improve on being a more faith-filled daughter of God knowing that this should spill over into all of my relationships. This Holy Week I put my relationships with my daughters and my son on the altar of my heart and ask God for the power of His resurrection to move us further into the fruitfulness of His abundance. For some divine reason He has chosen that we be in relationship to one another as Mother and Child and Child and Mother. It has been imperfect but I know in my heart that calling upon Him to once again bless these unions will right-order all that is possible within them.
May you have a quiet, reflective Holy Week with God. May He bring renewal to your life through His resurrection and continued reign of mercy. May you right order Him as your Savior and feel the peace that this brings. AMEN
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